tie & attach: lingering around these white walls

everything is happening so fast. TOO fast. i'm happy and i'm sad. the upcoming changes in my life means that this is a more emotional time for me than i might want to let on. i just want to slow down and breathe and linger and savor my final days in this sunny, 4th floor apartment where i experienced some of the happiest times, well as some of the hardest ones. i think i grew unexpectedly here, by leaps & bounds. (not physically, though!). i lack the words to describe how special this place is to me, and how the memories will linger on long after i've locked up #411 one last time.

shall we say? packing isn't my forte, and i'm in the midst of packing up this place in preparation for the 1st of two moves this summer. the first will be to a sublet (same building, but 8th floor). the 2nd will be in august, to a permanent apartment, which i'm still waiting to hear the availability on.

when it comes to packing & moving, i procrastinate. and actually, it's not really procrastination. the problem is that i get paralyzed and can't do it. i'm at that point where i'm boxing up my belongings right now, and am finally taking down my bookshelves. a few days ago, one of my friends was over here and suggested i take down my posters and prints. it sounded easy enough, but i just couldn't do it. there's something too final about it. to see the bare, antiseptic-white walls, once you've taken down the very things that made that space your own. to hear your voice start to echo as you clear out the coziness that gave it a "lived-in" feel.

i get too attached to places and things, i guess. a strong sense of place, and the meaning of things, is important to me, as it is for maybe all of us. and god knows, this has been my home for so long...much longer than i ever imagined/intended it would be. the time has come to move on to bigger and better things. but just give me some time to linger, even for a little while. i want to breathe in the smells of this apartment that i've come to know like the back of my hand. i want to lie on the floor in the late afternoon and see rays of sunlight spilling in. i want to bask in those slanted gold lines of waning daylight that make my living room radiate with a warm glow.

that's all i'm asking for. oh, and hand me another roll of tape, please.