minding the gap

i recently went to a BBQ sponsored by a local social-professional networking group made of people ranging in age from their 20's to their 40's. each august, they have a big BBQ to welcome new young people to town and recruit new members. it works since it's a university town and new faculty/staff, medical residents, and grad students arrive in summer. i'd never been to any club-sponsored events, but had been toying w/ it as a way to get out and casually meet new people. the downside to living in a college town is the transient population--it sucks when friends move and you find you know fewer people. cindy had sent me & daisy E-vites to this BBQ. since i felt tired, i wavered a little. but i RSVP'd, figuring i had to eat anyway, and i'd drop by after work for a little bit to float around, work the crowd, then go home & collapse into bed. THEN...

...i met a guy. he introduced himself as "P". we chatted some. turns out he's a university faculty member. in my head, i registered that he seemed nice. clean-cut. not bad looking. age? not sure, but pretty mature. based on our conversation, we seemed to have a couple of common interests. i learned we'd both moved here in '97--me to start grad school, he to teach. our conversation turned toward the local farmer's market, which everyone knows i *love*. anyway, as our conversation ended, "P" gave me his business card. i told him i didn't have mine (no really, i didn't!), and figured it left the ball in my court to contact him.

i considered casually e-mailing him at some point, but then i held back. in typical INTJ-style, i did some quick math: he was a Ph.D. candidate in 1995. he had already worked some and held another graduate/professional level degree prior to the doctorate. it dawned on me that {GULP} there must be a 10+ year age-gap between us! so, uh, where was i in 1995? what was i doing?

so i was away most of last week. upon returning, i saw he tried to contact me! since he didn't have my card, i never expected it! he mentioned getting my name & contact info off of the E-vite (but the e-vite only has my name & not my e-mail or phone #, plus i was one of ~300 respondents)! but i guess it's not too hard to find people! i'm flattered. but i've been quiet about it, and didn't tell cindy & daisy until last saturday night, over drinks. in my heart of hearts, the age-gap thing gets me. i'm willing to casually contact him, since i'm friendly and it doesn�t hurt to meet new people & network, etc. but i need to figure out how i feel and where my comfort zone is. cindy & daisy asked me if i was attracted to him. he's cute. his personality seems agreeable. but if you mean the dramatic "hit by a thunderbolt" kind of attracted to someone, then no. and we talked about age as i gulped down a daiquiri w/ the ladies.

cindy (29) recently realized she prefers older men, meaning she doesn't mind a 10 yr. age-gap. but everyone is different & my (ideal) preference is for someone within ~5 yrs. then i think about men i know who date girls much younger--like, a guy my age dating someone who is 20 or 21. most often, it elicits catty thoughts & remarks, like "what does he see in HER?!". hmm. i guess what it all boils down to is that some people mind the gap, and some don't.