still decompressing, and growing...
i'm back. i'm still decompressing after a very intense week. in the end, it was a very happy occasion for our family since things went well. nonetheless i'm physically and emotionally drained. there's a lot i want to say here, but it's going to have to be little by little since i think a long-ass entry will overwhelm me at the moment.
i think the stress and anticipation that had been in the back of my mind for the past half year were the absolute worst. it affected me more than anyone would ever have guessed. back in early winter, i wrote a lengthy entry when i first learned dad needed the valve replaced sooner than i had imagined. after that i didn't say much about it here (or to anyone in real life either) until last month. but privately i found myself catapulted into an emotional tailspin. now it's like at least one huge dark cloud of worry in my life is gone.
i can suddenly step back now and see where i was at emotionally when i first started this diary. it makes me realize now more than ever that i'm a constant work in progress. i'm always trying to grow from various and unusual life experiences and turn them into something good whenever possible. just now, i went back and read some of my entries from mid-late december and early 2003, and wow--i forgot how incredibly stressed out i was in my first days on d-land for so many reasons! on some (many) days i'm still like that. but on other days i'm calmer, more peaceful and tranquil, and more at ease. so i guess it's two small steps forward, and sometimes a couple steps back...
and i'm absolutely wiped out right now.
so i'll have to hold my thoughts until next time...or sometime....
