hard decisions about detox. period
the thing is, i'm not in remission and originally wanted to go off of my meds only after we got this continuous smoldering flare under control. i've made this decision w/o consulting my rheumatologist or other doctors. so i hope it's not totally wrong of me. the side effects are getting to be too much. i think i'm starting to feel like being on various medications all at once is overloading me and burdening my body.
another huge part of my decision is that that with my dad scheduled for his procedure next week, i want to be alert and have as clear presence of mind as possible. the medication for my kidneys drops my blood pressure and makes me mentally fuzzy, dizzy and forgetful. yesterday was frustrating because i had trouble balancing my checkbook because i just couldn't think straight and kept transposing digits. it was never like that before. so anyway....maybe it's the right decision for now.
one of the most frustrating symptoms of all, but the hardest to address for me, has been fatigue. no words can describe it accurately. it's the reason i became disabled from employment and that causes me too much heartache and shame to write about a lot here. esp. when i see healthy peers who can't fathom it or who callously think i'm not trying hard enough.
there is a specialist out at UW who sees people with fatigue problems related to autoimmune conditions like mine, post-cancer fatigue, and stuff like chronic fatigue syndrome-related fatigue. we talked about seeing this woman for a consultation. i just don't know. for one, i'm not ready to travel out there yet. it's too far away just for a consult, plus, my insurance is tricky. an out-of-state/network provider would be so expensive. thankfully my rheumatologist at johns hopkins is in-network.
by the same token, if she's really as good as her repuation, i'm willing to leave no stone unturned. i don't know. i have to think long and hard. i mean, i live in the town where the (univ. of my state medical center is). so i wish i had local care, but instead, everyone seems to think i'm getting the best care by traveling to see experts. but it wears me down having to go to baltimore. i really need to think about it.
i'm grumpy right now because my period is due any day now. no wonder i have so much to write about and vent. and i'm weepy at the drop of a hat.
