T & A? or all A? the tank top story

T & A? or all A? the tank top story...

last week, the warm spring weather made me want to go shopping and update my spring/summer wardrobe. plus now everything is too big and i�m swimming in my clothing. suddenly i find myself needing to buy sizes 2 & 4 instead of 4�s and 6�s. it�s not a bad thing considering how upset i was over wearing 6�s last year because of prednisone. (clarification: in case anyone is wondering, i�m 5�2). i managed to lose the corticosteroid weight but now have to be careful not to let past demons take hold and carry it too far.

anyway, i left the mall very disgruntled after trying on a tank top. it was so cute, but it sure didn't look cute on me. it�s one of those camisole ones with small straps and a built-in bra. it made me very dissatisfied with my body in a way i never really thought much about before.

okay, so i�m petite. i�m not a busty gal and i�ve always been fine with that. i always felt confident enough and never really inferior about that particular aspect of myself.

but this shirt? it made me look totally flat chested! it made me look like i had the chest of 6th grader! it�s one thing if it�s a sports bra. but this shirt? gah.

like most normal women, i have curves. i�ve come to terms with enough of the body image stuff in my past to be okay with that. i�d like to think i�m shaped with pretty even features/proportions. some days i even feel sexy, though not as often as before (my condition arose).

but lately when i feel physically shitty it translates into feeling like i�m unattractive to everyone else. this goddamn shirt was the last straw. it really brought out every insecurity imaginable and made me wonder if.....well, to put it bluntly....if i�m all ASS!!!

i can�t believe that little bastard of a shirt ruined my day! sadly, it did... but maybe i can take comfort in knowing that anatomically i�ll have no problem popping out some babies one day.

a little bit of T & A? no, wait. scratch that. make that all A.