buried by sandbags and avalanches
i wanted to stay as far from my diary as possible tonight but circumstances have made me give in to writing:
right now i want to be left alone to think. i'm super stressed out about something specific this evening. i don't have the energy or desire to go into it. thinking about it is draining me. the stress is setting me back physically. i'm already in a long-standing flare-up. great. just what i needed.
i've also come to understand myself well enough to know that stress also triggers (the slippery slope issue) and its associated behaviors. when i'm stressed out, i stop eating. excellent. it's the last thing i can afford to do right now and it'll take my strong will not to go down that destructive path in reaction to this stress.
have you ever felt so overwhelmed it was like you were suffocating? like you were being buried alive? well yeah, right now it's like there are a ton of sandbags piled on top of me and i can't breathe. my stomach is in knots. an avalanche is tumbling down upon me and i'm going to be catapulted down a steep mountanside along with tons of blinding white snow, enveloping and burying me. there is no escape.
damn, it's 1am and i should have gone to bed a long time ago. i would have gone to bed were it not for this. oh man, i think i'm going to be sick. lovely.
