happy valentine's day
unfortunately i'm not spending today w/ anyone special. i wish. alas, i'm in singleville this year, just like last year. sure, it sucks.
the thing is, while i really would like someone in my life right now, with everything going on, i haven't had stamina and energy to put into a relationship to make things work. that puts me in a unique position for someone my age. everyone else is out there pairing up and all that. and i'd love to be at a place in my life where i can invest my energy and attention in that, just like my peers b/c it's very important to me. i absolutely want someone in my life. just not now. at least i'm mature enough to recognize that if i went into a relationship at this point it would be for the wrong reasons and that i'm not at a place where i can be in one. i don't want this to be taken the wrong way or to sound selfish, but given my situation, i am my top priority right now. i mean, sure, the love of my life could enter my life tomorrow. but failing that, ideally, i'd like to be at a more stable point in my life, healthwise, before getting into anything serious w/ anyone. i hope it ultimately can make me a better partner for someone when i'm ready for that. yeah, i want to marry and have children if it's meant to happen. i don't know. dating w/ a chronic illness is a real leap of faith and at the moment i'm not willing to take that chance and get hurt. not now.
but look at my positive attitude: i've decided not to make valentine's day a swear-word in my dictionary, and that it's counterproductive and bitter to "not observe valentine's day", as one of my friends would say. instead it's just another day. maybe even a day to fire off quick e-mail messages to tell my pals that i'm thinking about them, even though it's not in a romatic love way.
anyway...i probably don't make a whole lot of sense here. but i hope that for everyone out there, single or in a duo, this is a great v-day. whether you choose to celebrate by just wearing red, eating chocolate (even if you bought the box for yourself), getting a sugar high off of those conversation heart candies, getting a dozen roses, having a candlelit dinner w/ someone special, or having hours of hot, passionate, steamy sex today i wish everyone out there a happy valentine's day. truly.
xoxoxo, emeraldtiger
