a few notes

**special note**

thank you so much, smushy for addressing a paragraph to me in today's entry.

it means a great deal to me to know someone else young who understands where i'm coming from w/ all of this. it just kills me to be in the prime of my life and see everyone else in their 20's and 30's going about life w/o a care in the world and taking their health and everything else for granted. i guess i'm still grieving my own losses. one would think that after this long i'd have come to terms w/ it but it's been a longer process than i ever imagined. my whole life changed along with my chronic illness. can i ever be carefree again? i guess no one could have possibly warned me in advance. and if they had tried, it might have just crushed my spirit from the beginning and i might not have tried as hard and come as far as i have, or accomplished things in my life that i've done so far. i'd have thrown the towel in long ago...

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to smushy and anyone else i've communicated with recently: i am sorry that i'm guarding my real name so carefully here. sorry if it makes me seem inacessible and mysterious in any way b/c that's not what i'm trying to do. i'm absolutely not trying to drive away the people who have cared enough to reach out to me and read my journal. it's not that i don't trust you guys. *please* be patient and understand that i do have my reasons for remaining "anonymous" right now. maybe as time goes on, that will change and put me into a different comfort zone.

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my fingers are flying right now--gosh i type fast! :) anyway, i'll be back to update again when i get the chance....

have a good day everyone!