weekend; apology; 2002 recap; resolutions
there's nothing that exciting to report from this weekend. unfortunately my life has become very boring lately. i spent a lot of the past couple days sleeping and being super lazy. the thing is, it's probably what i needed to do. since it snowed (again) here, running was out of the question. besides i can't seem to shake off this cold despite having had it since before christmas. it's descended into my chest and i hope that my acupuncturist can help me out at tuesday's appointment. he told me last time that if colds go to your head, it signifies an immune system that's strong enough to adequately fight off infections, but if it goes to your chest it means your immunity is weaker. it doesn't surprise me that my defenses are down given my stress level and the fact that i overextended myself during the holidays. and i'm having a flare: i'm so tired beyond belief it's like an elephant is sitting on my chest and my body is like a rag doll; my fingers are killing me, my calves and knees hurt, my ankles and feet are puffy, i have a killer headache and constant low-grade fever, i'm still losing hair, my urine protein levels have crept higher (the test strips now turn blue), and my stomach hurts from taking too much aleve and vioxx. so now i have to take prevacid or nexium. what kind of loser has to take acid-reducers at my age? it's not like i'm a hard-drinking, smoking, overindulging type of person.
i'm so sorry to bitch and moan in all of my entries posted lately but it's like when you don't feel well life turns into this huge emotional roller coaster. so i hope that anyone out there reading this understands what's happening to me and understands how helpful it has been just to have this space to vent.
well people, since i'm still sorta new here i'm giving a recap of what 2002 was like for me below:
january: enrolled in post-grad. professional development course in substance abuse theory; began board exam preparation; my rheumatologist at johns hopkins put me onto sulfasalazine to help prevent progression of arthritis; had bone scan and diagnosed with stress fracture
february: valentine's day found me in singleville this year. so unfortunately no one bought me long-stem roses and there was no one to share a box of chocolate with. but i reframed it into something positive by saying fuck it and buying myself some chocolate and splurging on a new bubble bath set from victoria's secret and pampering myself.
march: primary care doctor decides my lupus warrants an additional drug to slow/reverse renal (kidney) involvement after a test reveals increased proteinuria
april: sat for board exam; saw a demonstration of auricular acupuncture for addictions treatment in my substance abuse class; started thinkng again about (finally) trying acupuncture for myself
may: completed substance abuse theory course with an A; turned 28 years old on the 15th; went to baltimore to see rheumatologist who told me to drop my plaquenil dose in half
june: needed to get away from everything so badly and figured i had the time so why not? flew to sf bay area and stayed a week; said goodbye to stanford and bay area; headed up to the pacific nw; saw dad's alma mater (the u. of oregon) for the first time ever; arrived in seattle; learned that i passed my board exam with flying colors!
july: enjoyed seattle so much i extended my open-ended ticket from a july 14th departure to a july 26th departure; also saw vancouver, bc for the first time; started walking and continued swimming; started losing prednisone weight; so very sad to leave the west coast after a summer that left such a profound impression on me
august: had a really bad flare after the excitement of travel and from dropping my plaquenil dose; had a bone density test and x-rays and told i have bone loss
september: increased plaquenil dose; went off of medication prescribed for kidneys because my blood pressure dropped too low; had consultation and first acuupuncture session; mandatory water restrictions imposed in my town due to drought
october: acupuncture treatments; see some improvements
november: landlord installs aerators in my apt; discovered diaryland after reading an article in a local college newspaper about the growing popularity of weblogs and online diaries; continued acupuncture treatments; added some running to walking and swimming; start to tackle long-standing body image stuff that resurfaced as a result of illness and past treatment with prednisone the "pill from hell"
december: holidays came and went; had one acupuncture treatment; finding myself working through stuff on my own and with the help of my journal; water restrictions lifted but aerator left on my faucets; end the year not feeling so well.
what i want for 2003 is simple: happiness, increased health and balance in my life. my resolutions include:losing remaining prednisone pounds but to keep a healthier body image, take better care of myself; be nicer to other people instead of wallowing in self-pity; remember that it's okay (and necessary) to take baby steps in my life; remember to stay optimistic, sunny and positive as i was in the past; remember that i shouldn't compare myself to healthy friends and peers and then let it get to me and get all down on myself as an anomaly.
