Such Great Heights

This is my last day in the office before taking all of next week off for Thanksgiving. Things are going, and Dad seems to be healing well....there are just small ups and downs, but it amazes me that if I looked at him and didn't know him, I'd never guess that he had such major surgery only three weeks ago. That feels good, and each day it's like he reaches new heights in terms of feeling better and better (overall).

It has been an interesting experience to be a "caregiver" in the sense of hosting both of my parents at my house to let dad recover there. I see my parents pretty often since we only live an hour away from each other and I either go to their house or they visit me frequently. But this experience has been an eye opener in some ways, kind of a glimpse into what it's like to care for aging parents. There have been moments of stress and frustration, where I have felt frayed at the edges at the "to do" list on the home front on top of working full time and being bone tired. The only difference is that most people my age who feel that way are juggling little kids with a career. And some also juggle little kids and aging parents. I'm glad I was able to rise to this occasion and look after Mom and Dad. But oh boy, other than that, I still struggle to find the simple energy and time to look after me, and do the littlest things, like apply lipstick before work and stop wishing the laundry would dry and fold itself. Even having a dog or cat would be challenging for me (though in theory I'd love to adopt a pet). Is it supposed to be that way at 36?

Yet I wouldn't trade this past month for a thing, because it's just what you do. It's your family/parents. No questions asked. Period. And so it has been incredibly rewarding as well and I really mean it when I say, as ooey-gooey-sappy as it sounds, that I've been incredibly privileged to have the chance to play this role. The opportunity wouldn't have been present in this particular way had I taken the postdoc job that I seriously considered taking, in the Research Triangle area of North Carolina, and moved away. For one, my parents would have had to stay in a hotel here, probably one like a Marriott Suites type of place for an extended stay. But with me living here, they had my place to come stay and recover/recuperate at for a few weeks, kind of like "home away from home". If I had moved away to Carolina, I would also have been stressed out about taking a chunk of time away from a new job, just when I was easing into it and trying to perform my job well, and I would have been going crazy with general stress about having to travel back home to Virginia for the surgery. I would certainly not have been able to spend this type of time with my parents like I have been this past month, making sure everything is convenient and comfortable for Dad, and that the burden on my Mom is eased.

Tomorrow, we'll load up their car, and we'll head home to their house and do Thanksgiving there. I think that after having a full house for a month, it will be strangely quiet and even a little lonely when I return to town after Thanksgiving.

First things first, though, I have to see the Endocrinologist for a follow-up this afternoon.I still don't have complete answers. Last year, I got some very partial, weak answers, but really not a complete picture, and I'm frustrated. A lot of things still don't add up (only the pounds and the stress fractures), and while I could talk about it until my face is blue, I won't let you hear it. All I'll say is that no stone should be left unturned. And that's that. I'm tired of (having things happen to my body that shouldn't be happening and that I have no ready or obvious explanation for). Ugh. Oh, and did I say I'm frustrated?