A Writer's Life: How I Almost Became A New Yorker.
I'll actually see Allison next weekend when she returns to Charlottesville to participate in graduation and finally get her doctoral hood. (August and December graduates at UVA have to come back the next May for their graduation ceremony, meaning I'll be hooded in NEXT May's ceremony (though I'll be able to get my actual diploma from the registrar's office in August). For a university this size, you'd think that there would be a summer or winter graduation event addition to the big ceremony in May, but no.
I spent the rest of the week hangin' w/ my sister, and it was just the change of scenery I needed before hunkering down and getting back to work on my dissertation. Now I feel like I need to sprint and race to get it done, and time's running out. I feel like Mt. Everest looms tall in front of me, but the minute you start to doubt yourself, it all falls apart, and I canNOT let that happen. It's time to put my nose to the grindstone and push through. I'm a little bit scared and need all the luck on my side I can get. This is monumental and huge.
On the job front...I finally got an official rejection, but it's one I already knew about unofficially. Apparently, in academia, you have to have thick skin b/c rejection is more the norm. But how much rejection am I prepared to take? If it's too much, then maybe there will come a time when I decide to be proactive and run as fast as my little legs will take me away from the Ivory Tower. But first, if that is a viable decision, I'll have to figure out where I'm running TO, instead of only knowing what I'm running away from.
I wish I could sit down and tell it like it is w/o boring you to tears. The bottom line is that the economy is so dire and terrible (**remind me to tell you later about the study that came out of Yale pertaining to the bad economy**). My student loan repayments will fall due a month after my degree is conferred. There's no six-month grace period for repayment of loans once you finish school if you've already had an in-school deferment in the past (which I did for my college undergraduate loans when I was enrolled in my Master's degree program). I also have to extend my health and dental insurance coverage so there's no lapse, especially if I should still not have a job when my plan expires in August. And even though healthcare reform has gotten rid of the whole discrimination based on pre-existing condition thing, I'm scared b/c those changes won't take full effect for years. Forget about the fact that I have an autoimmune arthritis for a minute, and just think about how, in the eyes of insurance companies, pretty much everyone has a checkered health record. Just about everything can be twisted and interpreted by insurance companies as "pre-existing"--even a Cesarean section, or acne, or allergies! It's ridiculous.
There's something unsettling about the fact that all job applications are online. At once, it's so easy to apply for something b/c all you have to do is e-mail or upload your resume and cover letter. Yet, it's so impersonal b/c no one acknowledges receipt of your materials, and if you hear nothing back, you wonder for weeks/months if it maybe got lost, or if it's sitting out there in cyberspace and no one even looked at it. You know I applied for a few positions--a few right here, one in Delaware, one near DC, another in Chapel Hill, NC. None is an exact match or "dream job" (but that's another story). But in this economy, could I MAKE those positions work and mold myself to the job? Well...yes, I'd have no choice but to do so, if I were lucky enough to be chosen.
What scares me is that I'm realizing (and my Mom actually urged me) that I need to cast the net "wider than I'm comfortable with" in terms of both geography, and type of job (look beyond academia, or consider a specialty area that is new to me rather than one that builds from my experiences/expertise). So that might mean considering positions that I had previously overlooked in: Michigan, Massachusetts, Oregon, Texas, Indiana, Illinois, DC, and New Jersey. I can give you any number of justifications as to why I initially skipped over them. Wow. It's overwhelming. I'm hard to please. But alas, I'm not in a position to be picky in this economy. I want the best possible position, and need to hope it comes close to what I envisioned. Maybe it never does. There's always compromises, and maybe this is also a lesson I need to learn when it comes to men and dating, as well. At what point do things become dealbreakers? How many dealbreakers are too many?
An employer based in New York City, (whom you've definitely heard of if you've taken the SAT or any AP exams), asked for my resume at the conference I was just at. Of course I provided one even though I'm not sure I see myself living right inside of NYC at this point in my life. In my early 20's yes. Now? Hmmm.
Did you know that I was offered a position at Random House right out of college? I didn't really know what I wanted, though. I was young and bright, with a literary bent, but struggling with stamina issues thanks to my newly developed arthritis. I felt more lost than I'd like to admit after giving up my dream of being pre-med in college thanks to said physical stamina issues. And so I chose an English major and Psychology minor and toyed with many different ideas. Ultimately, I chose a the path that has led me to where I'm now at. What a different life it would have been if I had entered the literary world of publishing at age 22. Maybe it would have led me to choose an MFA in creative writing, or a Ph.D. in English/literature, or a Master's degree in Journalism. Maybe I would have advanced up the ranks in publishing w/ no need for a graduate degree. Perhaps I would be sitting in a New York City office somewhere now as an artsy literary agent. Or an editor. Maybe I'd be living in a brownstone house in NY or maybe I'd be a renter living with her boyfriend in a certain young and hip part of Brooklyn.
But then, there are many alternate paths I suppose I could have taken and any of them might have brought me happiness in different ways. But I can tell you about those another time.
