Right There With Sissy Spacek.

I had the sudden realization that omg, my lease here runs through July 31, and while 3 months seems like a long time, it's really not and so much of my future is unknown right now. I want time to fly by so I can really be done with school and "free" again, but at the same time, I want to take the clock hands and tie them so that time stands still and I can savor everything in the here and now, just as it is, because it's all so precious. It's so easy for me to get caught up in eyeing the finish line and/or what will be or what might be....instead of what IS.

So...I guess you could say I'm on the job market, but because not a lot of desirable places are hiring (and hiring for positions that are appropriate for my background/interests/skills), I feel like I've been doing much much more scanning of job announcements than applying. I applied for two local positions that I am assuming I didn't get, have turned in another in another state that is just south of the one I live in, and am eyeing a few more potential leads that would take me a few hours north of here. It's too stressful and emotion-laden to talk about in detail here right now. But, increasingly, I'm coming to terms with the reality, and statistical probability that my time living here is finite and really may be winding down, and that fills me with sadness that I really really am trying not to let interfere with the excitement of new opportunity, should that take me someplace else. I guess my biggest fear is that I'll have no choice but to take a job in a place (geographic as well as institution/organization/company) that I feel lukewarm about, and that's where a good attitude comes in. But I also don't want to settle. Do you see some running themes as to why I'm single and also why I haven't yet found a job? (And I'll come back to that later b/c there's something that's been eating at me a little bit).

Do you remember how I got an $86 traffic ticket for rolling a stop sign in the fall of 2006? UGH! Yesterday I was filling out the preliminary portion of a job application online (the part where it just asks about things like your history of military service or if you've ever been convicted of a crime or anything like that). And because neither of those things apply, I always automatically check the "no" or "not applicable" boxes. But on this application, under the criminal question section it indicated that applicants had to list all violations of law including traffic moving violations.

So I called the 800 human resources number to inquire about what this encompassed. The woman who answered said that it wasn't just serious stuff like DUI's or speeding 70 in a 55 mph zone or running red lights. Apparently, if you roll a stop sign, that counts, too, and she laughed when she said this. She said that the main thing is honesty, and they don't need details about that kind of ticket, but you do have to list it and check the "yes" box. FOR REAL??? I'm sure a lot of people had this same question, but I just think it's kind of ridiculous that even rolling a stop sign can follow a person around like that. Gone are the days you could get a parking ticket on a college campus and just throw it away because you knew it wasn't a "real ticket". Back when I was in college, some of my friends' boyfriends made mockery of the tickets they got from the campus public safety officers, for parking without a campus permit, when they came to visit Mt. Holyoke. They knew they'd never have to pay them. Different times, I guess.

Obviously, rolling a stop sign won't keep you from getting a job the way a DUI could. But wow...just the idea that in this day and age, someone could punch my name into my state traffic court records and see my 2006 "failure to obey sign" ticket right there. Along with S!ssy Sp@cek, who apparently has gotten a speeding ticket right here in Albemarle County, where she lives on her upscale horse farm, when not in Hollywood!

On another note: have any of you heard of Lori Gottlieb? Has anyone here heard of (or read, if you dare tell the truth) her book, Marry Him? It's this: I may or may not have made mention here of the issue of women "settling" with guys, just to have someone if they feel like time is running out and they never will meet someone. A couple of years ago, a blogger that I have followed on and off for a few years, named Mavenhaven talked about this in her blog, about Gottlieb's article "Marry The Man Today, Change His Ways Tomorrow" (or something like that). It's rather chilling. I probably sound incredibly inarticulate right now, b/c... I...cannot begin to tell you how deeply it bothers me that someone I know and am close to and admire has wholeheartedly begun to subscribe to this way of thinking. I am incredibly disappointed and let down, and maybe it's none of my business....I just don't know. I don't have words to even describe how I felt when her eyes lit up and she excitedly asked me if I'd heard of the book "Marry Him". For real?!? I'm speechless. Really?? I am trying hard not to be judgmental, but I disagree with the idea of "settling". It probably makes me an anomaly. Maybe a picky, feminist anomaly. You all might know by now how picky I am when it comes to men. This brilliant, accomplished woman that I am close to, who is disappointing me with her embrace of this mentality told me, "M, just trust me, you'll start thinking differently if you reach 40 and are still single".

I have a lot more to say but I can't even begin. Which is probably for the better.