beehive state brews

two summers ago, we stopped over in salt lake city, en route from seattle to denver. after a long day on the road, i wanted to unwind w/ a good drink that evening, but we jokingly wondered if said drinks would be readily available. fear not, i had a margarita w/ my chile relleno. afterwards, we wandered around temple square, walked off the tipsiness, and photographed the mormon tabernacle. it was beautiful w/ its white marble illuminated against the dusk sky. on the way back to the hotel, we drove by a microbrewery. so much for the rumors about utah being "dry"! but i guess it'd be easy to come to that conclusion after what my friend experienced while visiting zion nat'l park & bryce canyon w/ her boyfriend. her story made me laugh. this is that:

SCENE ONE: How & Where to Drink. That is the Question.

FRIEND: (says to boyfriend after a long day of hiking): "Oh, man, i'm hungry�what about that BBQ place?"

BOYFRIEND: "Sounds good. BBQ & beer. Mmmm. I could go for an ice cold one right now".

FRIEND: "But wait�we're in Utah. You think they have beer?"

BOYFRIEND: "Yeah, of course! I mean, Mormons don't use alcohol, but believe it or not, not everyone here is Mormon".

FRIEND: "That's true. Listen, why don't we just *ask* the girl at the (hotel) front desk?"

{It turns out said BBQ place doesn't serve alcohol. They ask the front desk girl where they can go get drinks. After giving them a quizzical look, she suggests a nearby Mexican restaurant}

BOYFRIEND: "So what do you want to do? We could go to the Mexican place. But I really really want BBQ. And a beer"

FRIEND: "I've got a plan: we'll get beers at the Mexican place, then go get BBQ after".

SCENE TWO: No Drinking on an Empty Stomach, Huh?
{They're at the local Mexican restaurant}

SERVER/WAITRESS: "How many?"

BOYFRIEND: "Two. But we don�t want a table. We're just here for drinks. We'll take two beers".

SERVER: "Um. I'm sorry. You can't order drinks w/o ordering food. It's Utah state law".

{My friend and her boyfriend reluctantly agree to be seated and order $6 margaritas and split a $4 plate of nachos as an appetizer}

SERVER: "Um. I'm sorry. State law says your alcohol bill can't exceed your tab for food".

{My friend and her boyfriend debate whether to add in another appetizer, or just stay for dinner. They stay}.

SCENE III: Feeling Illicit: We're So Bad!

{Leaving the restaurant}
FRIEND: "Man, those drinks must've been fake. I'm not feeling a thing! Haha--virgin margaritas."

BOYFRIEND: "Yeah and I still want that beer! But where do we find it?"

{They end up buying a six-pack of Corona at a gas station.}

FRIEND: {in the car} "OK, so where do we go drink it?"

BOYFRIEND: "Well there's a park. Wanna go there? We can just sit in the car and drink it."

FRIEND: "We can't do that! Lame!"

BOYFRIEND: "Well there's a bench over there".

FRIEND: "Uh, I think the only places w/o open-container laws are New Orleans and Vegas. God, I feel like we're trying to get away w/ doing something super bad. I bet the town cops are already tracking us or something".

BOYFRIEND: "Let's just go back to the hotel and have our beer in the privacy of our room".
{They drink at their hotel, but still no buzz. Closer inspection of the Corona bottle reveals a watered-down brew: 3.0% alcohol! Might as well have bought O'douls. haha.}

SCENE IV: Oh, My Head Hurts!
The next morning, my friend woke up with a big headache. I have to wonder where the headache came from. Seriously! Later that morning, they hit the road for Vegas.