5 yrs later: "in the depth of my winter lies an invincible summer"...

whew i'm exhausted! but my rebound flare is tiny compared to the great joy i felt during my delightful b-day celebrations. still, this weekend is a welcome chance to rest, and acquaint myself w/ my fantastic new bike. yesterday was "bike-to-work day", but i awoke to a blinding flash of lightning, a deafening clap of thunder and torrential rain. needless to say, i drove. besides, i need time to get to know my bike and re-learn riding techniques. may is bike month, so a bicycle is an especially fitting present. i'll write more about it soon, i promise!

SO, i got my master's degree from UVA five years ago today. where did time go?? their graduation is tomorrow, so the area is bustling w/ pre-commencement festivities today, and i'm feeling reflective. it seems like yesterday that i donned my cap & gown w/ its velvet blue & orange master's hood and blue & white honor cords. on 5-21-00, i triumphantly walked down "The Lawn", away from the Rotunda, with its majestic white columns. the day was so happy & special, and i savored every moment, b/c i graduated 1st in my class! it was amazing to see my folks up in the stands, enthusiastically cheering me on. i hadn't imagined i'd end up ranked at the top of my grad school program! earning "Highest Honors" and being inducted to two honor societies was absolutely thrilling! (you know--joining those greek-letter organizations was also great b/c it meant i could now jokingly say i was a ditzy, sorority girl. haha)! are there any Phi Beta Kappa brothers & sisters out there? let's hook up! bring a keg! beer & brains required. and boobs? well�

i still wonder how i did it, given all my pain & overwhelming fatigue. i never once used sickness as an excuse to miss class, or ask for extensions. i hung in w/ all my might. the night before my master's thesis was due, i sat at my old mac performa 'til the wee hours, running on adrenaline as i finalized my statistics calculations and printed pie charts & graph illustrations of my research project. the sweetest moment came around 2am, when i finally typed up my dedication page, thanking my family for all their love and support through my schooling. i incorporated an albert camus quote that "in the depth of my winter lies an invincible summer". seeing my thesis printed on crisp cotton paper & bound in final form the next day was gratifying, b/c it yielded a tangible sense of accomplishment & pride.

there's a pinch of bittersweet b/c my career & life path afterwards were so affected by (health/disability). at times, i want to write about it but can't, b/c the grief & coming-to-terms leaves me too emotionally raw. but i hope the unexpected shape my life has begun taking recently then means good things. starting my job last year made me feel less de-railed, but there's still so much more i want from life. i'm confident more things will come together even if it's incrementally. at 31, i'm more of a work-in-progress than i foresaw. maybe it's ok. in my own way, i'll still conquer my world and reach my full potential. i just haven't completely figured out how...