the failed sales-pitch & my baker�s buzz�
CUSTOMER SERVICE REP: �Good afternoon, thank you for calling AOL. My name is Victor. How can I help you today?�
EMERALDTIGER: �I�m calling to cancel my membership�.
VICTOR: �I�m very sorry to hear that ma�am. Is there something we could have done better, or were you satisfied with our services?�
EMERALDTIGER: �AOL served me well. The services were fine�.
VICTOR: �Now, ma�am, did you have AOL broadband?�
EMERALDTIGER: �No.�
VICTOR: �I take it you�ve moved to high-speed service through your phone or cable company�.
EMERALDTIGER: �That�s correct�.
VICTOR: �Now let me take a few minutes to ask a couple of quick questions. Which AOL services did you use, like E-mail or Instant messaging?�
EMERALDTIGER: Both and AOL was my ISP�.
VICTOR: �With high-speed, I�m sure you�re aware of the need for firewalls and increased security against spam and viruses�.
EMERALDTIGER: �Mm hm. I sure am. My new ISP has all that, so I�m all set. I'm sure I�d like to discontinue my AOL membership�.
VICTOR: �Well, ma�am, I just wanted to make you aware of some of our newest features����.{etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.} meanwhile, emeraldtiger has tuned him out����.�
EMERALDTIGER: (finally tuning back in to Victor, as he concludes with the words, �...for only $9.95 a month�). �No thanks. I�m not interested. I'll just cancel my membership.�
VICTOR: (long, silent pause)�Are�are you�are you sure?�
EMERALDTIGER: �Yes. Positive. Cancel me�.
VICTOR: �Here ma�am, I'll tell you what: I�ll waive your membership fee 'til January 15th, as we speak. I'm sending you an e-mail with everything you need to download our new enhanced security features and instant-messaging�.
EMERALDTIGER: �Well I�m not really interested. I called to cancel my membership today�.
VICTOR: �You know, this is a super deal you could be missing out on. Only $9.95 per month, and it helps protect your PC and keep your Windows system running smoothly�.
EMERALDTIGER: �Actually, I don�t use Windows. I�ve got a Mac�.
VICTOR: (another long pause)�Oh� Only, like, 5% of the population we deal with uses a Mac�.
*[emeraldtiger�s jaw is clenched with irritation and impatience as she thinks, �Not so. Not so at all, my friend. Just cancel my damn membership, will you? Your sales pitch is clearly failing�.]
VICTOR: (continues), �Ma'am, I�ve waived your Dec.-Jan. AOL membership fee. You have until Jan. 15th to decide. No obligations. If you want to cancel tomorrow you can do that, or you can do it on the 15th. And of course, if you choose to continue, it�s only $9.95 a month. There�s no strings attached. SO, is there anything else I can help you with this evening?�
EMERALDTIGER: �No. I only called to cancel my membership. I'll call back later and do that.�
VICTOR: �Well then, ma�am, you have a fabulous day, and a wonderful holiday�.
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yeah, happy holidays victor. (grr). switching topics, our Christmas tree looks fantastic! we almost didn�t have one, b/c we discovered our old one was broken when i arrived on saturday to decorate it. we spent yesterday hunting for the perfect tree, with time and hope running out. but we found the perfect monroe pine and it's gorgeous! gift-buying is almost done. tonight i'll get my bake-on. i've got recipes (not just baking)to share here sometime, so stay tuned. for now, go try to achieve and maintain that perfect, low-grade buzz throughout the holidays! me? haha... i�ll accomplish that by simply inhaling the aroma wafting from my super-strong rum cake as it bakes in the oven! but before that, maybe i'll go see the national christmas tree in dc...
