a confession

this morning, i swear it felt like i was 80. i had to roll out of bed to get up b/c my hip joints were so painful and stiff. the stress of the past two weeks has taken its toll on me with a constant low-grade fever and headache, rashes, joint pain, easy bruising, and best of all, hair loss. well, if my hair is gonna fall out, at least i have Aveda-styled thin hair, right? given how bad i�m feeling, it probably works out better that i didn�t go anywhere today.

you see, i have a confession to make:

today i was supposed to go out of town on a work-related trip, however, i flaked out and didn�t go. the reason? going on this trip would have meant i would have to take westbound I-64 to get there. it sounds like the weakest excuse imaginable but�ever since the lovely events of july 29th, i�ve been going out of my way to avoid that road like the plague. i of all people know it's irrational and ridiculous, given my graduate training. but textbook theories aside, i'm just not quite ready to tackle that stretch of road again (yet).

the thought of getting onto the freeway makes me panicky (and maybe a freak, too). sure, it was a freak accident (no pun intended), and not my fault. i'd been driving for 14 yrs without incident. but i�m thinking, �what if it happens again? what if I�m hit by an SUV or 18-wheeler truck this time? what if my car is totaled? Then what?� what if...what if...what if. all the "what if's". if getting hit in high-speed, 70 MPH traffic isn't enough to leave a person badly shaken (in more ways than one), then i don't know what is. i'm sure this is only temporary. it has to be, b/c i can't avoid that road forever, considering that�s the only way to go visit my parents. i�ve always seen myself as a pretty tough cookie and definitely stronger than this. maybe I�m not.