worries & rejected blood
my stress level is off the charts these days. a lot is stuff i don't want to write about here. anyway...
dad's heart valve replacement is on my mind. anyone who has read me from the beginning already knows about this. the time is coming near and fills me with dread. i know it's a common procedure but thinking about it still upsets me.
i'll know more details soon. they're looking at may. i only hope his surgery isn't done on my birthday. that'd just be too much for me to bear. am i selfish for thinking that? i hope it doesn't sound that way.
over christmas, my sister let me listen to dad's heart through her stethoscope, so i know what a murmur sounds like. while visiting my parents recently, i cupped my hand and placed it against his heart, and just listened to it beat with a whoosh sound, as my eyes got all teary. it kills me b/c he's in perfect health otherwise. it's just a congenital malformation that finally is wearing out as he ages. for all i know, i might have the same thing when i'm old.
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i'm sad that i can't be a blood donor to bank blood for his post-op transfusion. i've essentially been ruled out. i knew deep down that i'm in no position to donate, but until now i held onto a figment of hope. unfortunately, (autoimmune problems), being slightly anemic, and being 109 lbs. all make me unsuitable. i inadvertently slipped below 110, but not counting that, i'm still not eligible.
i think blood donation is one of the most important ways you can help someone. i've never donated before. regrettably, i didn't donate when i was younger and healthy b/c i didn't meet minimum weight requirements--throughout college, i gently tipped the scales at anywhere from 100 to 108 lbs. now it's unlikely i'll ever be able to donate blood. if i met the requirements i would in a heartbeat. especially for a loved one.
