medicated writings on diaryland etc.
here's one other reason i'm so wiped out today: the rx cough syrup w/ codeine. it makes me sleep like a baby at night but not w/o a price to pay during the day. i talked to my mom who is all concerned that it's a narcotic and thinks i should stop taking it in a few days if possible b/c i've already been on it since friday.
let's hear it for runner's world! their latest issue makes mention of two things of particular interest to me. the first is raynaud's and running in winter (solution: wear gloves). the second is related to my saturday entry. in the special section for women, they mention a new Pill called Seasonale that can revolutionize women's menstrual cycles by reducing the number of periods to 3 or 4 annually. SWEET! i think it'd be empowering to try this out.
i was just thinking about how glad i am to have found diaryland. i'm finally able to say i honestly am glad to have come here and even to have met the people i have here so far. initially i felt awkwad had some reservations and fears that i won't detail here. still, overall, it's been a positive experience for me. admittedly i'm still *slightly* afraid/insecure/uneasy about the outside chance that someone i know will stumble upon my page and be able to identify me based on how or what i write. but rationally, i know the statistical chances are relatively small. it's all hypothetical but how i'd feel would hinge on who it was. a boss or coworker would make me feel antsy. as crazy as it sounds, i am determined to keep this journal a secret from my RL friends, and family. i really need this safe space where no one can come penetrate my mind, read my heart or hurt me in any way.
most people probably don't understand this, but esp since my diagnosis was revised, i've felt a need to be more private about my life and the vulnerability and grief i've felt about everything that has been robbed from me. sometimes i wish i didn't feel the need to be so guarded, but i guess it's related to the brave, teflon-coated, tough-girl front i wear when i face the public in fighting my illness. it's also easier to share stuff with strangers who won't judge me and who can't associate the words they read on a computer screen with a live face. or maybe i'm just turning into an introvert.
what my pal smushy said recently is so true. you can read about the same topic in written by different people and yet no one writes about it in the same way and therefore no two diaries are alike. i'm starting to play catch-up on a lot of my favorite people's entries, but have also been reading other members as well. i'm thinking about adding comments to the favorites listed in my profile.
i have to go to yoga in half an hour so g2g now. this class is the best!
