The Things We Do Not Know
Overall, I'm ok. My post-doc position as an educational researcher/evaluator at the medical school runs through June, meaning that I'm still trying to figure out/decide what comes after that. The job market is tight and dry (esp in academia and research, but really everywhere and in any industry besides medicine and nursing/healthcare) and I hate it, just as many people do. I'm casting as wide a net as a picky person can in my job search, but within reason. I am delicately balancing preferences, with attempts at keeping enough of an open-mind.
Doing a post-doc position this year has been so good for me since it granted me some time to clarify and solidify what I am and am not willing to consider in terms of my career after this. And, it has, in itself, been an excellent professional experience for me. (Remember how I was the girl who wrote somewhere in here last year that I would "absolutely not" consider a post-doctoral fellowship type of job after getting my Ph.D. b/c I was "too old" for it and needed a permanent job? Well, I had to eat my words b/c what I think I meant was that I was unwilling to move elsewhere for a yearlong position only to have to pack up again and turn right around in a year. No sir. Not at my age. But what I didn't anticipate was that a yearlong position might crop up right here.
I now know for sure I don't want to be a mini-version of my publishing-machine of an advisor. Translation = if I do go into academia, I do not really see myself in an R1 type of setting ("R1" = slang for Carnegie-classified "Research One", institution, tenure-track). You can never say never, maybe, but I'm thinking more likely not. Not at my age. Not with my baseline stamina issues. But save that thought. I have more to say, but I'll come back to that another day.
I do get bummed that I've possibly exhausted my time here, and I'm ambivalent about moving away but I'm following job leads near and far, meaning as scattered as Michgan, Texas, Washington state, Colorado, and elsewhere. Unfortunately, rejection is hard, even when it's not really "rejection" personally as in they didn't pick you, specifically, for the position....but rather, that the economy blows, and therefore they have had to "suspend" or "pause" or cancel their search b/c there's no funding for the job. This recently happened to me for a job out in Colorado that I thought was a good fit. They were awaiting federal funding and said they would keep candidate credentials on file in case they get funding and re-open the search. But still, the result is the same. They're not offering a job at this time.
But it's okay b/c I've always thought things happen for a reason and they have a funny way of working out in the ways that they're meant to. I'm just not sure where the universe is going to put me, but it all will fall into place even if I don't see exactly how, yet. And I don't mean that in a naive, sunshine and rainbows kind of way, but more in a big-picture way. If nothing else, although I get impatient in grocery store lines or in slow traffic, I am infinitely patient when it comes to long-run, big-picture kinds of things.
And so I wait. March is almost over. Given that I don't yet know where I'll be or what I'll be doing after my post-doc ends over the summer, you could say I am not feeling settled. But on the other hand, I think a healthier way for me to see it is that this is a time of expectation (or waiting). As one of my favorite poets, Emily Dickinson wrote in a poem, "March is a month of expectation, the things we do not know" (yet). How true that is this year for me.
In the meantime, I need to find a health plan, b/c mine is set to expire soon, just as my post-doc ends, and that has me worried. 2014 can't get here soon enough. Until some of the new healthcare legislation kicks in, even something like the common cold, acne, or an ingrown toenail or a bug bite, or having had a c-section will be viewed by American health insurance companies as "pre-existing conditions" and could potenially be gounds for either rejection from coverage, or being rated up so you pay a higher monthly premium. Effed up.
More soon.....
