life. or something like it.
today at school, we had a meeting for all of the students in my degree program. my advisor is about to become the chairwoman of our program, and there are lots of changes occurring as both our school and this department undergo restructuring and growing pains. but i'll talk about that another time. tonight, i need to write what's at the forefront of my mind (perhaps i'm making up for this diary's lack of immediacy as of late). as our meeting wrapped up, my advisor asked me to stay behind, along with two other students whom she also advises, and said she needed to talk to us. "I need to talk to you" is never a good thing, is it?
as soon as everyone left, and we closed the door, my advisor burst into tears and said "My husband is very ill". i had once overheard something about him having had health problems in the past (chronic fatigue or lyme disease?), but didn't know the full story until today. she explained to us that her husband had had a bone marrow transplant nine years ago for lymphoma, and now, again, he hasn't been feeling well, and, just yesterday, they found out that he has a blood disorder that is transforming into leukemia. OMG, my heart sank and it was like a bowling ball lodged into my stomach. she emphasized to us that her Ph.D. students are her top priority, but that outside of that, she can't take on any new commitments, but that she would do everything to ensure a smooth time for us. and she asked for our understanding for the times she may have to be gone, or is distracted.
i really feel for her and her two young school-aged kids. they're facing a tough road ahead, because he's going to have to get chemotherapy, radiation, and another bone marrow transplant. it doesn't sound good b/c when cancer makes a second appearance, that's never a good sign. but, i hope he makes it, for her sake, his sake, and for his family's sake.
my advisor said they're looking at treatment/bone marrow transplant options either out in seattle at the fred hutchinson cancer center, or in boston, at the dana farber cancer institute. which means that in the coming months or year, she could be gone for weeks/months. i know there's teleconferencing, and e-mailing back and forth, and phone calls, and if necessary, she'd come back to town to meet in person, or as a last resort, we students would travel to boston or seattle if we need to meet for face to face advising about something. but, wow. it's a lot to take in right now.
i'm concerned about how i'll be affected/disrupted as a student, now that i've reached a critical halfway point in my doctoral program. i'm left feeling a little unsure and insecure because i'm at a point where my distinct line of research has to come together, and i'm really under the gun to publish in order to have decent job prospects. and i want to complete this degree on a four year time-line. i hope to finish up classwork a year from now, and then propose my dissertation in the fall of 2009, and defend it in the spring of 2010. it's a little scary.
my advisor and her husband are only about 40, and at least from the outside, they seem like an ideal, happy couple and family. they met and fell in love in cambridge/boston in their 20's, when my advisor was doing her Ph.D. at Harvard, and he was doing his doctorate in business at MIT Sloan School of Mgmt. they go so well together, and together with two children, they just seem(ed) to have everything going for them. it's just scary how life can change so quickly. the doctor probably just ordered a Complete Blood Count (CBC) test, and that's all it took to get to this. *sigh*. that's life. or something like it.
so tonight finds me a little contemplative and quiet, and also stressed out about my multivariate statistics final project, among other things. but fridays should never be downers, so this warm, 80 degree friday afternoon involved retail therapy. it's nothing fancy, but i found a basic but well fitting--and most importantly, flattering--clothing item at Eddie Bauer...with a discount certificate i got in the mail! chinese food with oolong tea soothed my soul afterwards and i'm still sipping oolong.
