doubting myself when i'm hot; perfect 10, with cleavage...

do you know how miserable it is to have a temperature of 102? do you know how, when you're sad or mad, sometimes you want to scream but all you can do is cry? that was me yesterday--i felt so mentally burned out and physically run into the ground. i don't know what's wrong with me. the physical trauma and emotional stress of this damn collision has made me less able to deal: w/ my constantly kinked neck and back, w/ work, w/ people in general, w/ having arthritis/lupus and being in the midst of a flare-up. it's discouraging for sure--such a setback. and now people who care about me are questioning the wisdom of going through with the Women's 4-Miler--which then makes me start to doubt myself.

last night i napped after work and skipped dinner, only to wake and find my low-grade fever had spiked to 102! i wanted to fill up my bathtub with ice cubes and sit in there. but instead i watched the olympics, while dozing on and off. mmmmm! male swimmers are so *dreamy*!

HEY, did anyone else see the men's gymnastics last night? paul hamm made a huge mistake during during his vault. like, he landed in a sitting position on the side of the mat, and almost tumbled off into the judge's table! i dozed a little, and the next thing i know, he's all triumphant at having won the gold after the high bar routine. was it a perfect 10? i mean, sure it's awesome to find yourself in 1st place when you didn't think it was possible to come from behind, but how on *earth* can you recover from such a huge mistake and go from, like, 9th place to 1st? anyway...

and FINALLY, you'll love this: hahaha, on monday, i wondered why everyone--male AND female--seemed to stare at my chest. it was weird, considering my chest is "petite". of course, i was the last to catch on: in our unisex bathroom, i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror: cleavage. i realized the dress i had on (incidentally one of my favorites) was too big for me, making the v-neck lower and resulting in a clear view of my black bra. nice. the thing is, when you're little like i am (5'2), everyone looks down on you. so i'm sure people were able to peer straight down the front of my dress. oh why didn't anyone say something???