more about me right now

(2nd entry today)

more about me right now...

on tv: "ER"

eating: strawberries

drinking: water

high temperature here today: 86 degrees

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i am: wearing shorts right now

i think: quickly and adroitly

i know: that i don't know everything; i know a lot but am always ready to learn more

i want: to know that better times lie ahead for me & that things will be okay in the end

i have: a few trusted friends and an amazing family who support me in every endeavor and always encourage me when i need it

i wish: i could go back and re-live my 20's again, but in good health

i miss: being carefree & energetic

i fear: not having a remission; having to build my life on a crumbly sand foundation

i feel: frustrated & stuck; like everyone my age has left me in the dust and is experiencing what should also be mine--things that are so ordinary and average.

i smell: like my victoria's secret sugar & spice scented bubble bath

i crave: a sense of normalcy

i search: for heightened self-awareness, plus answers about a lot of things in my life

i wonder: if i'll marry and have children one day

i regret: not receiving an accurate diagnosis for six years; i also regret the time(s) when i stopped eating when i was 19 or 20.

i love: warm weather, the smell of flowers, and being near the ocean

i long: to be held, kissed, touched by someone....and to be desired.

i care: a lot about other people

i always: am a loyal friend

i am not: closed-minded, judgmental, petty, or two-faced

i believe: that patience, and realisitc optimism are important

i hope: to meet my better half--someone who accepts me with all of my faults and foibles, who i can let down my guard around, who is patient with me and who i can trust. someone who won't get frustrated, weirded out or abandon me when i'm sick.

i dance: occasionally and when i'm drunk

i sing: not very well and therefore only when no one will hear me

i cry: when i'm alone--usually in the bath or shower, while exercising, or as i'm falling asleep; and more often now than i did before i got sick

i do not always: let people know what i am thinking

i express: my thoughts and feelings articulately

i never: want to take prednisone again

i confuse: other people into thinking i'm an introvert when i'm actually an extravert

i can usually be found: sleeping in on saturday mornings

i am scared: of my dad's upcoming heart valve replacement surgery

i need: to be less self-critical

i am happy about: everything i've managed to accomplish in my life so far despite obstacles, and the wisdom i've gained from those experiences

i expect: the best from others

i should: go do some laundry

the best choice i've made in the past week is: (as i mentioned yesterday), deciding against attending a professional conference in minneapolis this week